My Trip to Hell a.k.a Madame Tussauds Wax Museum

Since my last blog post in March (whoops) I’ve had weekends away in Miami, Boston, NYC and Chicago.   My trip to NYC was to visit Caitlin along with our friends Alyssa, Molly and Kristine from Boston. 

This trip was both fun and educational.   I learned something on this trip…

No it wasn’t that if you drink a bottle of champagne before dinner, a bottle of wine with dinner, beers after dinner, throwing in a shot here or there all while only having one meal split between two people that you’ll be wicked hung over the next day (This would be kind of a no brainer; one would think).

Yes, this was our dinner.

Still in her dress from the night before not ready to be a hostess with the mostess.

No it wasn’t that I’ll never live there because I couldn’t handle the shit…I mean dirt storms I breathed in walking into the subway (I think they took a year off my life).

No it wasn’t that my friend Alyssa can make us laugh by the things she says and does (“Hey Kristine, take a picture of me and Pedro”).   

Pedro is holding a Corona.

No it wasn’t that I’ll do anything even if that means people are going to stare (hey we all were supposed to wear the matching I Love NYC shirts around town, how is it my fault only Kristine and I did). 

No it wasn’t that I miss these girls like crazy (I already knew that).

What was it then?

It was that I, Kristina Lynn Skuster, have automatonophoba a fear of wax figures. 

Here we are in NYC where the sky is the limit and where do we decide to go?   Madame Tussauds Wax Museum - obviously.   The main reason behind this choice was that we were hot and hung over and this place has air conditioning.   There we are.  Waiting our turn.  In our matching I Love NYC shirts.   Minding our own business as people stare and whisper.  Some may have even yelled how much they loved our shirts or at least that’s what they said… 

Finally it is our turn.  We get our picture taken with a giant gorilla and are allowed in where the wax figures are.   This is where…

My heart starts to flutter.

I sweat a little.

I feel really light headed.

And all of a sudden feel the need to run for my life. 

Have you ever been to a wax museum?  All I see is a sea of heads not knowing which are wax and which are real.  I did not love.  AT ALL.  

I couldn’t tell who was real and who was fake.

People were taking pictures of us instead of the wax figures. 

I don't know why people took pictures of us?  I mean for real.

It was a scene and not in a good way. 

We finally make it to the end and I’m beyond relieved.  The woman is directing you to the right or to the left.   To the right you got to leave.  To the left you got to see the 4D movie.   We were directed to the left.

The “15 minute wait” turned into more like thirty minutes of hell.  Mostly because these two gentlemen talked to Judy Garland the entire time.  No joke.  The entire time.

Creepers.

It is finally time to get into the 4D movie.  Freedom is near. 

Again I ask, have you ever been to a 4D movie?  We should have really figured out what it was but it is basically a 3D movie with….

Mist on your face at moments.

A rocking of the chair.

Bubbles smelling like pneumonia coming down from the ceiling. 

And my favorite…A PUNCH IN THE BACK.

This is when I grabbed my purse…took off my glasses…and looked for the nearest exit.

We were in hell.   In fact, I do believe I checked us into hell on Facebook and it was already an option.

I will never step foot in Madame Tussauds Wax Museum ever again.   On my way out I may have even told the guy at the door he’d be hearing from my lawyers…